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Berry Picking (exactly where I want to be)

July 17, 2013

30::365::125-131

Most of the time I’m thrilled with the path I’ve chosen in life, but every now and then I have a bout of insecurity.  I start comparing myself to others, to my friends, to people I admire, to people I don’t know at all, even to people I don’t like very much.  I start to question my choices…  Should we have had children so soon?  (Yes!)  Should money be more of a priority?  (No!)  Should we be more career-oriented?  (No! – Yes?)  You get the idea…

While not entirely pleasant, these bouts of insecurity are rather functional in their way.  Questioning decisions means I’m thinking about the path I’m choosing. More importantly, it means I realize that I do in fact have choices, and the result of these choices is how I have gotten where I am today.  Where I am right now.  I may not doing the same things some of my former colleagues are doing but that doesn’t mean that my relatively quiet life isn’t worthwhile, or even revolutionary in it’s own way.

Last Saturday we got up and went blueberry  picking right after breakfast.  I watched my children discover a praying mantis for the first time.  My daughter ran through rows of blueberries, eating as many berries as her little belly could hold while my son intently and seriously went about the work of filling his bucket.  The morning was cool and I felt so wonderfully content there among the berries with the people I love most.  We came home with five quarts of blueberries and hearts and heads full of memories.

I made a pie with those very berries and then knit while watching my children play with blocks.  O built and impressively life-like robot.  (I took a photo.)  N took a nap, and Brad made dinner with veggies picked from the garden in our backyard.  After dinner we ate our pie with vanilla ice cream and put the kids to bed.  Today I will attempt to make freezer jam for the first time.

Yes, this is a quiet life, but it’s exactly where I want to be.  Where I’ve chosen to be.  Where I need to be.  It isn’t particularly glamorous, but it fills my cup in a way nothing (no-thing) else could.  And that’s absolutely worthwhile.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 17, 2013 9:27 am

    Yes! I get this! I am very content with my quiet life too but it doesn’t stop you from wondering if….!

  2. July 17, 2013 11:25 am

    your wise beyond your years…. we all think , would have , could have , should have….making mistakes and learning as we go. If we stopped questioning ourselves the adventure would be gone. Finding completion and happiness in the little things in life give us our values. Your writing ability and values are an example of the high standards we all hope to achieve…..

  3. July 17, 2013 1:58 pm

    Sounds like you have life sussed to me- I was a stay at home Mum for 12 or so years before working part time in pre school education- don’t regret it ever. Had many jobs since, but my life time achievement is three young men, all who have jobs and are contented with their partners.
    Love blueberries- or bilberries as we call them in the UK- try an open top tart with meringue on the top. To die for!

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